Through the Darkness
by charleymiamore
Summary: Ten years had lapsed, but the daughter of Kamiya Koshijirou still refuses to let go of the past. She promised herself she won't, not until she's had her revenge upon the one person who had robbed her of her future.
1. Chapter 1

"Kaoru!"

The little girl turned to the sound of the voice. It was the only thing that ever broke out of the darkness that surrounded her, enveloping her from all the sides of her body.

"Kaoru!"

Fire was everywhere. Or was it the scarlet blood that seemed to be almost covering the whole place?

"Kaoru!"

A hand gripped her tight. She spun around. Eyes that went into the soul paralyzed her, eyes that was so different from her father's.

Her father. The smile that lit up his face just moments ago as he turned to face her was still fresh in her memory.

So was the scarlet blood that gushed out from his mouth.

She broke free from the stranger's grip.

"Father!"

"Father!"

Someone was shaking her hard. Kaoru's eyes flew open

There was an audible sigh. "Kaoru-san…" said Tsubame. "You're awake."

Kaoru rose from the mat. Her body felt warm… unnaturally warm. Her head was in pain. She touched it, and it felt hot. Sweat drenched her body, and her clothes clung to her flesh. "What happened?" she asked.

A reassuring hand held hers. "Nothing, Kaoru-san," Tsubame replied, "it's just a dream."

The breeze was cool and calming, and after sipping the warm tea Tsubame gave her, Kaoru felt relaxed.

The door behind her slid open.

"Would you be needing anything else, Kaoru-san?" Tsubame's voice blended with the wind. The tray was placed near her.

Tsubame. Always the shy type of girl. "Nothing more, Tsubame, thank you," she replied. As best that she could, she gave her a smile.

After a few minutes, she did not hear the door close.

"Tsubame?"

The reply came. "I'm still here."

"Do you need anything?" Kaoru inquired.

There was a pause. Then Tsubame said, "I would like you to join me for a walk. It's sunny outside, and the sky is so clear that I thought it might— " she faltered, most probably by seeing the look on Kaoru's face.

The sun. Kaoru could feel its warmth penetrate her skin, but the time when once it could bring joy to her lips now was gone.

"Kaoru-san…" came Tsubame's hesitant query.

Kaoru exhaled, as if the gesture can erase entire regions of her sadness. "I appreciate the gesture, Tsubame, but I can't."

She could tell Tsubame was crestfallen, judging by the tone in her voice. "Why not? I'll—I'll be there to guide you…I'll tell you everything I can—"

"Tsubame." Her voice cut through Tsubame's. "No."

The movements Kaoru heard indicated that the girl stood up to leave. As the door opened, she heard Tsubame's hesitant footsteps.

"Kaoru-san…" Tsubame began.

"Yes, Tsubame?"

"I'm sorry if I had said things… inappropriate things… but I just… I just wanted you to enjoy the world even if you can't see it." Silence. "Just like what the rest of us had wanted you to do for ten years, Kaoru-san. After all, ten years is a long time…"

"Please leave me now, Tsubame," Kaoru pleaded.

"As you wish, Kaoru-san."

The door slid shut behind her.

Author's note: Please forgive me for making Kaoru angsty, really different from the one in the series and the manga, but I had just wanted to explore the other side of Kaoru, the darker side, because, after all, there are two sides in a coin. (And also maybe I fused some part of myself into her… so now you know me.)


	2. Chapter 2

Emptiness. Ten years ago, she wasn't even thinking of feeling this way, but all of a sudden, it was simply there, and no matter where she went, it was following her like a shadow.

Or simply a lost puppy trailing her every step.

"Hello there," Kaoru said, as she looked down on the brown puppy following her. "Are you lost?"

The big brown eyes simply looked up at her. Stupid Kaoru, she admonished herself. Dogs can't talk! She smiled. Nevertheless, she stooped down and pretended it was talking with her.

The dog cowered a bit. Kaoru was quick enough to hold it back. "Hey, don't go," Kaoru pleaded, and extended a hand toward it. "Come here, I won't hurt you, I promise."

That seemed to do the trick. The puppy took one step toward her, then another, and pretty soon Kaoru could touch the soft brown fur between her fingers.

"That's a good puppy," she cooed as she happily patted it.

It was such a peaceful day, when nothing else could ever divert her attention to the happiness she was experiencing, even so simple as making friends with a puppy. But as time passes by so quickly, so was the happiness associated with it.

"What— "

Her hands were bloodstained. Both of them. As she watched in horror, too shocked to move, she looked at the puppy that, even for just a single moment, had brought her delight and gladness.

It was gone. Lying beside her, flat on the ground, was the lifeless body of her father.

"N-nooo!" she could only scream, as if it could return her father's soul into his body.

"Nooo!" she shrieked once more, as a painful sensation of loss tore into her young body.

Her father. Her mentor. Her only family. Gone.

_And you said you'd never leave me…_

A hand came out of the flames around her. It gripped her tight, and the force made her wheel around to see who held her.

Violet eyes. Cross-shaped scar. Red hair.

Those were the only things that remained in her memory before her eyes lost everything.

"Kaoru! Kaoru!"

She opened her eyes. The flames were gone. Everything was gone. Before her now is darkness. Emptiness, her constant companion, greeted her once again into another day. As were all the days that passed ten years since.

"Was I dreaming again?" She asked before Tsubame can tell her anything.

"Yes, you were," Tsubame replied. Her young hands helped Kaoru sit up straight.

"What time is it?" Kaoru asked again. "Is it dark still?"

There was a pause before Tsubame said "Yes." _She's lying. It's probably still dark. The rooster is crowing in the distance._

"Tsubame," Kaoru cut in before Tsubame could do anything. "Rest awhile, Tsubame, continue your sleep. I won't be needing your help this early in the day."

"Are you sure, Kaoru-san?"

Kaoru smiled slightly. "Yes, of course."

The door slid open. A nanosecond passed as Kaoru had a thought.

"Tsubame?" she called out before the girl can leave.

"Yes?" came the reply.

"Would you accompany me this afternoon? I want to go somewhere."

"Where?" Tsubame asked.

Kaoru's hesitation was enough for Tsubame.

"No way." Kaoru felt Tsubame's hand grasp hers. "You can't!"

Kaoru was puzzled. "Why not?" she asked. "We've been going there for five years, ever since you helped me find out where it is, and you haven't protested against my going there every time. Why now? Why only now?"

Tsubame was silent. Then she said, "Because every time we went there, I thought it was best for you. You seemed a little peaceful, and those horrible dreams never visited you for periods of time. But all of that is temporary. All of the effects of you visit to that place is only temporary. Don't you think it's time to let go? So all of those nightmares will vanish permanently?"

Letting go. Back to the same old argument. "I'm getting tired of this," Kaoru declared, annoyed by Tsubame's attitude. "I won't answer you anymore because I'm so tired of giving the same old answer."

The silence that had always provided her with comfort every time she heard it failed her this time. She could almost taste the anger in the air.

"Fine," Tsubame said. "Be miserable, Kaoru-san. That's what you always want yourself to feel. Miserable. You have no idea what you're doing to us all. You're making us miserable as well, Kaoru-san."

Heat rose up to her cheeks. "Now I'm making you miserable?" Kaoru rose from her seat. "Then why don't you just throw me out? Say the word and I'll leave! You've always wanted me out, didn't you? You want me out because I'm hopeless, useless and blind! That's why you say I've always made you miserable!"

Kaoru heard Tsubame rise up angrily by banging on the floor. "You've always thought of yourself that way, Kaoru-san! Not us!"

Kaoru scoffed. "Don't be self-righteous about yourself. You know I'm true."

Tsubame's voice broke, even as she shouted the words at her. "You're our friend, Kaoru-san! And for ten years, I wish you had known that!"

The door slammed shut.


	3. Chapter 3

**To Hitokiri Jinchuu: The answer to your question lies ahead!**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

A wilderness. How had it come to this?

As Kaoru trod on the overgrown grass surrounding the Kamiya Dojo, she couldn't help but shed a tear. The place she had called home for at least eight years, the place where she was born and raised by loving parents, now was a ruined assortment of charred wood, weeds and…

Remains.

No one had even thought of keeping the place. She herself had only found Kamiya Dojo only months after her thirteenth birthday, and it was only with the reluctant help of Tsubame and Tae-san that she found it.

_They never did trust me… never let me leave the house, because they were afraid of what might happen to me in the outside world._

She wasn't complaining, though. The isolation helped Kaoru shield herself from the hurts and sorrows of the world, one which she had vowed never to take part in. Both Tsubame and Tae-san insisted she go out once in a while, but for what purpose? She couldn't even see the damn sights, only the annoying sounds of the hustle and bustle of the crowd, the occasional barking of the dogs, and the stream of commentaries that Tsubame would provide to describe the "wonderful" sceneries that she would enjoy.

_Words. Just a useless bunch of sounds to create an illusion. They can't even measure up to the true essence of the things beside me._

She had memorized the feel of the path to the dojo. She could handle herself. Besides, no one uses this path at this point in time. No one to see a blind girl blindly making her way to a ruin far away from town.

Blindness. A comfort, but at the same time, a pain. Inwardly, Kaoru smiled. How can something be two things at once?

She never chose to be blind. But nor did she try to avoid being blind. She could say it was a matter of destiny.

_Destiny… huh? Or some kind of bad luck? Bad karma?_

Whatever it is, this destiny was specifically for her… and her mother.

"Ehh…" Kaoru looked up at her father, bright eyes shining up at him. "So mother was blind too?"

Her father smiled. "Yes," he said. "But even though she couldn't see, I still loved her very much. And her eyes said that she loved me too."

Sparkling white baby teeth presented themselves boldly on Kaoru's lips. "So that is why I was born!" she exclaimed.

Her father laughed. "Yes," he replied. "That is exactly the reason why."

That was weird.

For Kaoru, at least.

_If he loved her, then why didn't he save her from death? Why try to live when she's already gone because of childbirth? Why let their only daughter live alone in this world?_

_Why didn't he live at that moment when his daughter needed him most?_

_Why?_

The unanswerably why. Perhaps the most complex question ever made by words.

She brushed away the stray tear that fell on her cheek. And there she was, so many years ago, vowing that she'd exhausted all her tears. It was no use in crying constantly. Tsubame is right. She'd only end up dehydrating herself.

The rocks hurt her feet, even though she was using wooden slippers. The wooden slippers that she found hidden way back her closet.

"Aahhh!" Kaoru exclaimed, as she found a colorfully wrapped box among her kimonos. It was her birthday, and up till sunset did Kaoru tirelessly comb the house for her present.

Her father suppressed a smile. "Oh, so that's where I hid your present!" he said, pretending to be surprised.

"Oh, father," Kaoru pouted. "You are so bad! You hid my present so deep in my closet, I didn't realize it was there!"

"That's because you are disorganized!" her father laughed. "Keeping your clothes like that… I'm surprised you can sort out which goes with which!"

Kaoru's pout deepened, but a split second later turned into the widest grin she could make, and threw her arms around her father. "Thank you, thank you, thank you so much, father!"

_Thank you._ Those were the last words she ever said to him, and wondered if it was enough to cover everything she wanted to say to him, to show him, and to make him feel how important he was to him, being the only family she has.

She didn't even realize she had fallen down on her knees. She didn't even know that she was inside the dojo itself. She didn't even recognize she was crying again. She didn't see that the place she was standing on were the exact same place where her world turned upside down.

All because of a man named Hitokiri Battousai.

"Hello." A human voice that came from nowhere startled her.

A human voice…which conjured up haunted ghosts of the past.

She stood her ground. "Who's there?" she called out. "Show yourself!"

The crushing of dead leaves told her someone was coming near her. She felt around for something to hit… whoever this person was. A splint of wood was the answer. She grabbed it quickly.

A light chuckle was what she heard the instant her fingers closed on the wood. "There's no need to be so suspicious about me," the voice said. "I'm just a friendly wanderer passing by."

Kaoru still did not let her guard down. She can't, because she still didn't trust this "friendly wanderer passing by," no matter how friendly he may claim to be.

"Who are you?" she repeated.

The footsteps sounded closer. Instinctively, she took a step back.

A hand reached out to hers, and another was placed reassuringly on her shoulders. "Himura Kenshin. Nice to meet you."

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**Author's notes**: The ending's a bit lame, but I hope you appreciate. As for Hitokiri Jinchuu's second question, well… I'm still thinking about that, but I've got something else entirely different waiting for Yahiko, and also Sanosuke. Please forgive me if I'm not consistent with the manga and the series, as it's my style, and I've created a world of my own, so… _gomen_. I still hope you'd enjoy it though.


	4. Chapter 4

The stones in the road hurt his feet. But he didn't care. He had to find Kaoru, and fast, before someone harms her.

It was a long, slow trek up the Kamiya dojo, or what it used to be about ten years ago, as Kaoru had told him. Yahiko was getting tired. _Really that ugly girl is making things too hard for me._

A few years ago and Yahiko wouldn't have minded to volunteer to go look for Kaoru. Of course, he didn't know her then, and she didn't know him either. But now, as both of them had known each other now, no matter how grudgingly, or how annoyingly, they had at least formed a friendship, and that friendship was telling him now to find her before something bad happens.

_"Yahiko-kun… please find Kaoru-san," _he could still hear Tsubame's voice. Inside, he cringed. _Doesn't she know when to stop calling me 'Yahiko-kun'?_

If only he wasn't… friends with Tsubame he would've ignored her.

Now back to Kaoru. Tsubame said the dojo was somewhere…

… here?

_Is this really Kamiya dojo?_

A big pile of stones littered what supposed to be the open yard of the dojo. Some parts of the walls had already crumbled, others were overgrown with wild vines and moss.

As he gingerly picked his way from the debris-littered place, he wondered what could have happened to it. _Some kind of fire_? No wonder Kaoru had been staying in Tae's place almost all her life, or almost ten years, from what she told him.

Yahiko thought about it. _Kaoru never did tell me about anything about her life. _The only instances she really talked to him were the times when she decided to teach him kendo. Even though she was blind, she had an uncanny ability to spot his mistakes.

_"You swung the bokken too hard," "No, that's not correct," "What are you doing? That isn't the right way to swing,"_ He really had to remember that the blind had far keener senses than normal people had.

He stopped. Voices. They're coming from the east. He recognized Kaoru's. The other, he did not.

_Someone else is there!_

He took out his bokken and prepared to hit whoever was with Kaoru, innocent or no.

-----------------------

"Oww!" Kaoru shrieked. The liquid Tsubame was pouring down her head was stinging.

_That idiot, Yahiko! _she fumed. _To whack my head with that bokken I gave him!_

"Please be still, Kaoru-san," Tsubame pleaded. "This isn't so bad once your wound would be healed."

"I don't want Yahiko to be near me ever again," she said.

A reply came from the other room. "As if I'd want to be with an ugly-faced raccoon too!" Yahiko retorted.

Kaoru grabbed her pillow and threw it.

It whacked Himura Kenshin right in the face as he was coming up the stairs with a tray of food for her.

"Good shot, Kaoru," Yahiko said as he entered the room.

"What?" Kaoru said, as she heard a series of crashing dishes and deafening bumps. "What happened?"

"You went and threw the pillow in your new friend Kenshin's face," Yahiko said.

"Oh no!" Kaoru jumped up.

"No, it's okay, Kaoru-dono, I might have to pay Tae-san about the dishes I broke," Kenshin's voice startled her.

It was only a few hours that she had known this "friendly wanderer," who decided to help Yahiko lead her back to the restaurant, but it was so amazing how he had been able to socialize and be friends with everyone in the restaurant.

"Y-you don't have to, Kenshin. I was the one who made you fall down those stairs, I'll talk to Tae-san," Kaoru said.

"Yeah, that raccoon'll pay for them, don't worry," Yahiko brushed it off. "Where'll you go now, Kenshin?"

"I don't know… where the road will take me, I guess," Kaoru heard Kenshin reply. "But I think I'll stay here longer, because I've already found what I'm looking for."

"And what's that?" Kaoru asked.

There was a slight pause. "Oh, just something an old friend of mine gave me."


	5. Chapter 5

"Hitokiri Battousai."

Kamiya Kasshin stood up. The door slid open, and the assassin entered the room.

The voices were muffled, and Kaoru couldn't hear a thing. Except…

Except the sickening sound of steel tearing across flesh... and the sound of blood.

Her father knew this, and so entrusted one of his most faithful servants to guard her, keep her silent, in the hiding place he had pointed out to them.

_"Father, don't do this to me! I won't leave you!" _Kaoru had screamed at him.

His father's figure towered at her. _"Leave this place, Kaoru. No one should harm you."_

He had pushed her out of the dojo… pushed her into the ground. _What kind of father would do that to his own daughter?_

_"Please believe that I'm only doing this to protect you,_" he said, and then he shut her out of his life.

"Kaoru-dono?" She didn't notice Kenshin enter.

"What is it?" Kaoru said.

"The others are going out, don't you want to come with them?" Kenshin said.

"If Yahiko's with them, I won't." She tried to make it sound like it happened all the time, but somehow Kenshin could see through it all.

"I wondered, the first time I saw you, what you were doing, all alone in a place like that. Can you tell me why?"

"Why do you ask?" Kaoru tried to deflect the conversation away from her.

"I just wondered," he said simply.

"Do you have to know the answer?"

She heard him shift position. "If you don't like to tell me, it's okay. I just figured out you need someone to talk to."

_Yes, I do, but I'm afraid._ "It was just a special place for me, that's all."

"A place of bad memories?"

"Well, yes." _Oh, God, why do small phrases cause me to cry? _"It was where I grew up."

A silence followed. The breeze that blew on the windows was cool and calming.

"It must be hard… to lose a wonderful place like that," Kenshin said.

_Yes, it was._ "My father and I… We lived in that house. My mother died when I was born, and so I didn't know her much, but with what my father said about her, I believe she was a wonderful person. Even without her, we were pretty much happy by ourselves.

"My father taught kendo. His students were amazing. They were good people, and they used to baby me because I was 'sensei's daughter'. They were…"

Kaoru's voice broke. She remembered everyone…Shinjo… Makoto… everyone… who went to enlist as conscripts in the war.

"They were…killed in the conflict between the shogunate and the empire…my father was always saying they should have had better lives, but even he couldn't."

Salty tears fell from her cheeks, she knew, because she could feel them, falling down her cheeks. "He was also fighting in the war… he was in some kind of high position because there was almost always meetings and things like that with top officials. He… he always said he wanted to fight to give me a better future… but…"

_Kaoru… listen to me. You've got to live. You have to, because lives depend on your existence, mine and your mother's. You've got to live._

"One night, someone came into our house. Father called him Hitokiri Battousai. After that… he was just… gone…" Kaoru bowed her head. "Tae-san was the daughter of a friend of my father's, and they let me in, especially when they saw the Kamiya dojo in flames."

_Silence is good._

She didn't hear Kenshin rise, but his voice sounded faint and from far away. "What do you intend to do with Hitokiri Battousai, when you meet him?"

Kaoru had never heard her voice this cold before. "I'll kill him."

A long pause ensued. "I hope you find him," he said, "to make him atone for his sins."

The footsteps faded away as the breeze died with it.


	6. Chapter 6

Kenshin was sitting underneath the cherry tree just outside the building where Kaoru stayed.

He looked up to the sky, and was assaulted by hundreds of cherry blossom petals falling down to him.

_Somehow this feels like rain._

He then averted his eyes from the blinding flash of the sun to the door of the room that he had just left.

"Kaoru-dono…" he sighed. He felt the cross-shaped scar on his cheek, a relic of his past.

_When can I ever be free of it? When can anyone be free of it? I didn't want to be a part of it since the day I started it._

He sighed again.

_But I am, and there's nothing I can do about it._

How can he ever convince her he didn't mean to do it?

_Like everything I've done in the past._

He was a hitokiri. It was his job to kill people.

_How am I going to explain it to her?_

He can't. He couldn't.

_Not unless I'd want my head saying goodbye to me forever._

He stood up, dusted off dirt from his clothes, and snatched up the sakabatou he left in the ground.

"Kenshin…" a soft voice called out to him. He turned, and to his surprise found Kaoru standing at the door.

"Kaoru-dono," he said as he went near her and held her hand quickly. "How did you know I'd be here still?"

"I heard you," Kaoru said. "You didn't get past the cherry blossom tree outside."

"Oh," he said simply. He looked at her. "Did you want something?"

Kaoru bowed her head, as if hiding something, but Kenshin noted the slight flush on her cheeks as she replied, "It's so silent inside, and I thought… well, you were… offering to go out for a walk, weren't you?"

"Of course," Kenshin said. "Do you want to go somewhere?"

Kaoru shrugged her shoulders. "Anywhere," she replied.

"Okay," he said slowly, although he was already feeling apprehensive because of the things they had talked about earlier.

Apprehension which Kaoru detected most accurately.

"If you're uncomfortable, it's fine with me," she said, taking her hand off his. "I can take care of myself."

She started walking back to the room. Kenshin hit his head, muttered a curse, and threw out a hand to stop her.

"No, Kaoru-dono, I'm just…" he then walked in front of her and took her hand again. "Please. I would really like to be with you even for only a day."

Kaoru then stopped. "Are you sure?" she asked him. "If you're only forced—"

Kenshin held both her hands. "No, Kaoru-dono. I would really like it if you'd join me for a walk today."

The look on Kaoru's face made Kenshin laugh. "You sure look like I'm going to eat you, Kaoru-dono!" he said. Then he sobered. "Please trust me even this once, Kaoru-dono."

He extended his hand and grasped hers. "Shall we go, Kaoru-dono?"

Kaoru smiled and squeezed his hand briefly. "Of course."

As they walked into the sun, they weren't aware that there were two other figures who followed them with their eyes.

"Kawaii!!" Tsubame exclaimed. She nudged Yahiko, who clearly felt uncomfortable as they both looked at Kenshin and Kaoru. "Don't you think they look good with each other?"

"W-well, yeah, sure…" Yahiko blurted out, "and it's a good thing Kenshin can stand that ugly hag, too."

Tsubame covered her mouth to hide her giggles. "Thank goodness Kaoru-san wasn't around to hear that," she said.

They watched the two until they both disappeared from the horizon.

Yahiko turned to Tsubame. "W-would you…" _Idiot Yahiko! Stop now before you embarrass yourself!_

But Tsubame already guessed what was in his mind. "Tae-san gave me half of the day to relax," she said. She looked at Yahiko. "Do you want to join me? I know a place we could go to."

Yahiko blushed a bit. "Sure." He held out a hand. "After you, then."

-----------------------

At the restaurant, Tae looked distracted. It was one thing that Tsubame noticed as she donned her apron.

"Is there something wrong, Tae-san?" Tsubame asked her.

Tae avoided her eyes. "Nothing," she replied. She flicked her hand toward the pile of potatoes behind them and said, "Peel those potatoes. We'll need them later."

Tsubame picked up a knife. "You know," she said, "you might fool other people with that, but not me." She looked up at Tae. "Tell me what's bothering you?"

"Maybe later," Tae tried to divert Tsubame, but she was unsuccessful.

"No, tell me now." Tsubame was adamant.

Tae briefly gazed at Tsubame's stubborn face before she sighed and relented. "Okay then." She then sat down beside Tsubame. She fidgeted with her hands before she continued, "It's Himura Kenshin."

"What's wrong with him?"

"It's… well… I really don't know how to say this…" Tae stuttered.

"What?"

"Himura-san is…"

"Himura-san is…?" Tsubame was impatient. "Go on, say it!"

"I don't believe Kaoru would like him very much," Tae said in a small voice.

Tsubame smiled while wrinkling her eyebrows. "They seem to go along just fine," she said. "In fact, I saw them go out together just a while ago."

"Did they, really?" Tae was amused. Then she turned serious and said, more to herself than to Tsubame, "Well, that's because she can't see his face."

"What are you talking about?" Tsubame asked.

Tae looked at her sharply, then softened a little bit. "Well… what I meant was…" Tae roughly expelled a long breath. "It's so hard to explain because I'm not even sure…"

"Sure of what?"

Tae bit her lower lip. She then whispered, "I think Himura-san is Hitokiri Battousai."

A long, shocked silence followed as Tsubame stared at her.

"You're joking, right, Tae-san?"

"You don't know how badly I wished I was," Tae muttered.

Tsubame laughed nervously. "But you're not sure, right? So there's a possibility that—"

"Red hair. A cross-shaped scar on his left cheek. That's Himura-san, isn't it?" Tae told her. Tsubame nodded. "That's also what they told us Hitokiri Battousai looks like."

"What?"

"It's the truth." Tae stood and looked out the window.

"Kaoru-san must know this!" Tsubame started to stand up, but Tae stopped her.

"Do you really think that's wise, Tsubame?" she asked her.

"Why shouldn't we tell her? She deserves to know the truth!" Tsubame exclaimed.

"Think about it. Why can't Kaoru move on from her past?" Tae asked her. When Tsubame didn't respond, Tae continued, "She wants to take revenge. Imagine if she finds out."

"There would be trouble," Tsubame sat back down. Then she turned to Tae. "What should we do?"

"We can't tell her." Tae's tone was resolute.

"But—" Tsubame started to protest, but Tae raised her hand.

"This is her problem, not ours."

"But as her friends, we ought to—"

Tae shook her head. "Trust me. Kaoru must face her own problem by herself in order to move forward to the present, and to the future as well. I know it sounds heartless, but we have to believe she could cope with it."

---------------------------

"Thank you for taking me out for a walk, Kenshin," Kaoru said as they stopped in front of her room. "It was rather refreshing."

"No problem at all, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin replied.

"We should do this often."

"If you say so. I think it did you good."

Kaoru smiled. "The air outside is definitely much more refreshing than the air inside."

"Well, if there's nothing else, I should probably go," Kenshin said, and turned from her, but she held him back. "What is it?" he asked her.

Kaoru's head was bowed. "I just… wanted you to know… that whatever I've said a while ago, I just said it because I was hurt and angry… from the past that is still with me up till now. I guess I made you uncomfortable, huh?" she added with a sheepish grin.

Kenshin sighed, then laid a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, Kaoru-dono," he replied. "I understand you perfectly."

Kaoru smiled softly, and took hold of his hand. "Can you help me recover from my past, Kenshin?" she pleaded.

He slid his hand away. "I don't know if I'm the right person to do that, Kaoru-dono," he said.

"Why not?" Kaoru asked him. She raised her hand to touch his face, and her fingers brushed against his cheek--- against a scar.

Kenshin kept silent as Kaoru traced the scar which ran across her cheek, forming a cross. When Kaoru finished, she inhaled sharply and pulled her hand away as if burned.

"That is the reason why, Kaoru," Kenshin said quietly.

* * *

**A/N: I'm so sorry I've updated only now… just had our final exams… had to study (well, sort of) and finally took a break (which meant, for me, no money for a whole month.) so… that's it. It's longer than the other chapters coz I've pieced together several paragraphs I've scribbled during that long absence (I had to do something you know…otherwise I'd go crazy) and I wanted to end up till chapter 10…I think… so... there. Now you have it. I think I'd post the next chapter maybe next week, or maybe the week after that… I really don't know. Please forgive me once again… and I hope you enjoyed this!**


	7. Chapter 7

Tsubame's whispered voice went through the thin door that separated her from Kaoru.

"It's been three days, Tae-san," she heard Tsubame say.

"I know," was Tae's reply.

Kaoru turned against the sound of their voices. She didn't want to hear them. In fact, she didn't want to hear anything, even her anguished moans and stifled sobs that painfully resounded in the four corners of her room.

_I just want to be alone._

The pillow behind her head felt damp. No wonder about that. She had been crying on and off these last few days, and all of her tears fell upon the pillow's surface.

_It really has been three long days_, Kaoru thought miserably. _Three days since everything went wrong._

And now she felt lost. Solitude was her only comfort then, but even it was not enough to quench the fiery emotions she felt inside.

Anger and hate. Two powerful emotions that swirled in her consciousness, threatening to drown her completely.

Kaoru tightly closed her eyes, trying to fight the onslaught of tears filling her eyes again. All in vain, as two streams gushed out of her stinging eyes.

But these were not meant for someone else.

She held these emotions against herself.

Anger at her weaknesses, and hatred for possessing them.

When the tears subsided, Kaoru willed herself to sleep, an effort to shut herself off from the world which held her happiness and pain.

-------------------------------------------------------

It was inevitable.

Looking at Kaoru's haunting face, Kenshin knew the time for revelations has come. Her innocence, her solitude, her searching eyes, Kenshin knew he had to tell her everything. In Kaoru's presence, he couldn't lie.

He could have easily deflected Kaoru's inquisitive hands and spared her the pain and agony that would follow. He could have just seen Kaoru walking away from him that afternoon and spared her the moments alone with him that followed. He could have just left her in Yahiko's hands that day at Kamiya dojo and spared her the friendship she had with him in the days that followed.

Simply put, he could have just let her alone. That way, she would have been spared the agony of knowing him fully, as she had done now.

Recognition reflected in her eyes, her face, and her tears that were forming inside her eyes. Denial also lurked nearby.

So if he didn't want this to happen to her, then why did he show himself that day? Why did he bother being friends with her, and gotten to know her fully?

God knows.

"No…" Kaoru whispered, obviously battling the surge of repulsion and hatred she probably felt at that time. She tugged at his clothes for support. "It can't be…" Tears fell down. "Tell me it's not true! Please tell me that scar on your face is not real!"

Kenshin resisted the urge to turn away. He looked into Kaoru's face deeply, contorted with pain and anguish, and said the words he didn't want to say.

"I can't deny my past, Kaoru. It has always been a part of me, and will always be."

Kaoru roughly pushed him away. It was frightening, the look on her face, that Kenshin almost didn't want to look anymore. Her face was a mixture of emotions—anger, disillusionment, hate, betrayal—which registered fully in each part of Kaoru's face, significantly different from the laughing and smiling Kaoru that he had seen before.

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"You murderer…" Kaoru hissed vehemently.

The only words that ever came out of her lips after she felt his scar. Words ultimately failed her at the crucial moments when she needed them most. She had to scream out words she had buried deep in her heart for this single occasion alone—yet they had betrayed her, just like what he did to her.

How could he be Battousai? How could he be that senseless, cold-blooded killer she saw ten years ago? That scar had to be fake. It couldn't be real. And yet…

Out of his mouth she heard him. Out of his mouth came the confirmation that it was indeed him who wielded the deadly sword which put an end to her father's life. It was a confirmation that she dreaded to hear.

Terrible pain shot out from somewhere, piercing her body apart. It was inexplicable, and, breathless, Kaoru had to take a step backward in order to steady herself.

That pain surrounded her again as she felt Kenshin's hands support her. She slapped them away, but the pain still did not disappear.

"Don't touch me!" Kaoru screamed. "Don't touch me! Do you know what you've done? Do you?"

She didn't wait for an answer. She didn't need one. All the pent-up emotions burst from her mouth as she filled the void between them with burning words she can summon.

"You killed my father!" she screamed at him. "Ten years ago, you destroyed the only family I had left!"

"Kaoru…"

She tried to drown out the pleading in his voice as she went on. "I know what I saw, you murderer! I know!" Tears didn't stop from falling. "From that moment on, I hated you, and I swore on my father's grave I'd kill you, stab you in the heart like what you did to him then!

"All my life I've searched for you, hoping to rid myself of the loneliness of losing my father. All my life, I wanted to find you, so I can kill you with my own two hands and feel your blood soak my kimono. I want revenge, but now…"

Kaoru's knees buckled beneath her as sobs racked her body.

Weakness.

Absolute weakness that lay bare before him.

How could she speak of revenge now?

Strong arms wrapped themselves around her body, completely engulfing her into a feeling of security, which she tried to fight but couldn't.

"Now I'm here, Kaoru," Kenshin's voice, ever so quiet, penetrated her senses once again, assaulting her conflicting emotions.

How could she ever speak about revenge now?

It was weakness which compelled her to say, "Now I can't, because you're holding me like this…and that being with you fills the void that you've created in the first place."

Exhausted, Kaoru's body sagged as she lost consciousness.

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**A/N: oh well, what can I say about my long absence? I was simply…stuck. That's all. I would be lying if I said my exams, since I don't study for them (who cares?). Anyway, please forgive me for all the mushy, and if ever, corny stuffs I thought of, coz I'm a corny kind of person, most especially this Valentines ) you know…**


	8. Chapter 8

Sometimes, people say that sleep can cure any pain that the body feels. Something about this mysterious activity eases the aches that a person feels, and helps him open his eyes to a wonderful tomorrow after the trials of yesterday.

It was what Kaoru had been doing for the past days, trying to sleep away the pain in her whole body, but this time, it did not work. Alone in her room, she had no one to turn to, no one else to ease the throbbing ache in her limbs, and so she decided to step outside to take in the refreshing breeze the night brought with it.

Ah, pain. If there's one thing the world can never be without, it's this. Inexhaustible, it's an experience no one can ever escape. And the worst part of it is that it can be destructive, just like what was happening to her now.

Her every step seemed like she was walking on a path littered with broken glass. Her every movement felt as if bruises covered her whole body. Her every breath was excruciating, as if tiny daggers surrounded her lungs, piercing the delicate flesh whenever she takes in a quantity of air. Her clothing was made out of light material and is hanging loose on her body, but somehow she felt as if she were clad in iron, cold and heavy. Her head throbbed with every thought that popped up in her mind. Everything pained her, even the most innocent breath of air that caressed her face.

It was agony, having to live with unbearable pain, that on that particular moment, Kaoru wished for something to permanently end her suffering.

"_Kaoru…_" a faint voice called her through the darkness. In her pain-riddled state, Kaoru was unable to recognize the voice. When it called her the second time, her breath stuck in her throat as she looked up.

All thoughts of impossibility flew out of her mind.

Dazzling light chased away the darkness in her eyes, and the pain in her weary limbs vanished. Warmth spread through her veins, and it felt as if the sun resided within her even in the chill of the night. Light filled her dark world, but these strange sensations were not what took her breath away.

It was the fact that she could see again.

And the sight that greeted her eyes.

"Kaoru," the voice said, and upon hearing it, Kaoru opened her eyes fully to meet the speaker's gaze.

"Father!" she exclaimed, and threw herself into her father's arms.

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Throughout his life, Himura Kenshin had been alone. Orphaned at a young age, he grew up having no one by his side. By chance, he fell into the care of his master, Hiko Seijuro, from whom he learned the art of swordsmanship, but even then, he was still alone.

He wasn't complaining, though. He chose this life, first, the secret life of an assassin, then the constant wanderings of a rurouni, and he intended to live with the consequences of his choice. Everything was much simpler when he decided to live his life alone.

Kenshin stopped in his tracks as he heard that word resound in his mind. Alone. All his life, he had been walking through life alone. But, he knew, sooner or later, loneliness would eventually take control of his life.

Just like now. As he was walking down the familiar path, Kenshin was assailed by memories of his walk with Kaoru on that fateful day. His hand seemed to grow warm with the memory of Kaoru's hand clasping his as he was guiding her through the road. He could still remember the faint smell of the trees they passed under as both of them enjoyed the land breeze that blew around them. In his mind, he could still see her cheerful smile and delightful laugh as he led her toward the river, where they enjoyed the cool water by playfully splashing it on each other's face.

Then the memories faded, and he was once again standing on the road, alone.

_Sometimes, solitude can be too much._

He walked on.

Kenshin never intended to hurt Kaoru's feelings, but sometimes, the truth can hurt. Sometimes, honesty causes intense suffering, but he can't lie to her. There was something in Kaoru that makes him want to protect her, even from afar.

His aimless wandering led him directly to her. It was quite too late when he noticed he was fifty paces from her room, and when he did notice, he was unable to hide from Tae's sight.

"_Himura-san, I beg you, please stay away from Kaoru_," Tae had said when he asked to see Kaoru the morning after that night. He had promised to stay away, because he agreed with Tae that his presence might make things worse, and he had, up to this moment, kept his promise.

He had expected Tae to directly approach him, most probably to ask why he was there, and he prepared himself to apologize. He was caught off-guard, though, when Tae, teary-eyed and obviously desperate, asked him a strange question.

"Could you help us find Kaoru, Himura-san?" she asked.

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Kamiya dojo.

Everything was just the way it had been ten years ago. It was as though those years hadn't existed at all, and as Kaoru's eyes took in every tiny detail, she wondered if those ten years had just been a dream.

"Is…is this…" Kaoru dared not to say it aloud, for fear the word might be offensive to his ears. _I can't risk doing anything foolish. He might disappear again…_she thought.

"What's the matter with you, Kaoru?" her father asked as he looked into her face. "Don't you recognize your home?"

Kaoru looked up into his eyes. "I…I do!" she quickly replied. "B-but…"

"But what?" he asked quizzically.

The nagging doubt persisted.

_Is this real, or am I just hallucinating?_

But as Kaoru glanced around her, the smell and sight of Kamiya dojo vivid in her mind, and the sudden loneliness that she felt as she thought about the years that had passed since she lost her father, Kaoru decided then and there.

_Dream or not, I intend to stay here forever._

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**Author's notes:** _I need help. I get stuck every once in a while and now, I'm lost as to what I'm supposed to write next. Any tips on how to get myself unstuck so I can update faster?_


	9. Chapter 9

The river rushed somewhere beyond her.

_You promised me…_

Kaoru was going towards it. Leaving the ruins of the dojo behind her, she followed the sound of the river somewhere beyond her.

_You promised me…but you never came back to do it…_

The sound seemed so close, and yet she could still feel the earth beneath her bare feet, the rocks piercing herflesh, the blades of grass scratching her skin.

_Can you teach me now, Father?_

Dreams are the only things that can fill Kaoru's emptiness now. Illusions they are, but to her broken mind, they can be everything. They are bound to fade, and the more her desperation drove her to cling to them, the more they trickle away like water in her hands. But they were not the only things fading in her world now. She herself was fading away, slowly, but surely, because there was nothing anymore that can ever hold her back as she hovered over the edge of reality, willfully plunging herself deeper and deeper in an endless sleep.

The realm of dreams. This was the place where everything she lost she had once again regained. This was one world where everything and everyone she once loved came to life again, and she wasn't about to let them go again for the second time.

_You promised to teach me to swim here, Father. Can't you come and show me how? You promised…you promised me…_

He promised her a million things. Why can't he not come back and fulfill them all?

And now, the light before her, the one guiding her through all these dreams, dimmed slowly.

"No…no, please…don't go," Kaoru's weak voice was drowned amidst the roaring in her ears. She reached out a trembling hand.

"Please…"she whispered, "let me go with you."

_Close your heart now, Kaoru. Dull that pain in your soul._

The pure light enveloped her whole being.

_Make peace with yourself, my child. Only then can you be truly with me._

Her scratched and blistered feet now felt the river's edge.

_This is the moment of truth. Will you now take the chance?_

Kaoru took in a long, steadying breath.

The earth beneath her feet no longer existed. Air no longer gave her life, and her body no longer felt. Everything was now cold, dark, and empty, as Kaoru chose total surrender to the crushing oblivion that is death.

* * *

"Kaoru!"

_Shout for her louder._

"Kaoru!!"

_That's not enough._

"KAORU!!"

Kenshin stumbled in the darkness of the night. Stupid. He didn't even know where he was going, only that he was running blindly towards the place where it all began.

"Kaoru!!"

Everywhere he passed, dogs howled. Disturbed sleepers, bleary-eyed and irritable, peeked out of windows. Upon hearing and seeing him shout, they muttered inaudible curses at him before slamming their windows shut. Kenshin didn't care, though. Every part of him blocked these unnecessary distractions, discarded because they didn't help him find her.

To find Kaoru. Hadn't he spent ten years doing just that, all because of a single promise to an old friend? Now he had to do it all over again, just because of a moment of truth. But it wasn't his fault anymore, was it? He couldn't deny anything, not when he has his past carved into his own flesh.

Kenshin shrugged away unpleasant thoughts. Thinking of the past is just too painful. _I don't need this at all._

A splashing noise from the river beyond mercifully diverted Kenshin's attention. He turned his eyes to the usually stoic waters and noticed it was disturbed.

A split-second later, Kenshin hurtled through the slopes of the riverbank, desperate to reach that which disturbed the water.

"No!!"

The clear waters revealed a shadowy figure motionless beneath its surface. Even though he didn't exactly know who it was, the fear that clutched his heart so suddenly and so breathtakingly seemed to propel him on, to drag that shadow back to the real world.

"Kaoru!!"

* * *

A dream interrupted.

Silence was taken away. Pain, unbearable pain, rushed back into Kaoru's body in full force, as if they were needles piercing every inch of her skin. Bitter water forced itself out of her mouth, flooding out in short outbursts.

_This isn't death. This is life. I've been given back the life I wanted to take, the life I've never wanted to have. _

_Why?_

"Kaoru…don't do that again, please."

_No, not that…anything but him again…_

"No…" she whispered.

_Why does it always have to be you?_

"Kaoru…"

"No!!!"

_I can't stand being with you anymore. Leave me alone, please._

Kaoru felt hands holding her, supporting her in her weakened state. Rather than being grateful for it, she slapped it away.

"Kaoru…"

_Yes, call my name. It's the only thing you can do now, is it?_

"Get away from me. I don't need you barging into my life again."

"No." His quiet voice said.

"Get away from me!"

"I won't."

"Leave me alone!"

"I can't."

"Go!!"

Kaoru felt her body whirl around and clash with another body. Her hands, falling limp at her sides, wasn't able to move and push it away. Its crushing, yet gentle, strength defeated her. As her knees gave way, as tears fell from her eyes, Kaoru let out a wail of despair.


	10. Chapter 10

"Find her…find her and protect her for me, please…" 

_The lilac-colored eyes that stared at the older man's back betrayed a hint of puzzlement._

"_But I'm an assassin."_

_There was no response. _

"_I kill people," the younger man pressed on._

_The older man in front still did not reply, still maintaining his back on the young man to look at the clear blue skies beyond._

"_I end lives, not preserve them."_

"_Would you still, years form now?" the quietness of the older man's voice silenced him. "Would you forever be Hitokiri Battousai?"_

_The young man's face was inscrutable now, and even those violet eyes held no emotion in them now._

"_There is no future for me beyond this bloody revolution," the young man said. "Before this ends, I would have already died at the edge of another's sword." He heard the older man make a noise of incredulity at his words. "Why not? Someone more formidable than I can yet emerge."_

"_You seem to have embraced the possibility of death, even at your present reputation as an invincible hitokiri," the older man said evenly. "A commendable trait. But…" He now turned to the young man, whose eyes never left his profile, "…don't you think hoping for a chance of life is better than accepting death?"_

"_What use is that, if there is absolutely no certainty in my future?"_

_The older man smiled slightly. "As in mine, and all of men as well." He placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder in a fatherly way, because truly, the younger man seemed like a child to him. "Why don't you learn to hope, Kenshin? Start by promising me that you'll find and protect Kamiya's daughter for me, for an old friend's sake."_

_The older man could still feel the hesitancy in the young man's visage, before the latter finally answered, "All right then, Katsura. For an old friend."_

_---------------------------------------------------_

Kenshin opened his eyes.

Sunlight blinded him for a moment, and as he covered his eyes for them to adjust to the light, he realized he did not notice that he had fallen asleep until he woke up. Nowadays, it's amazing how he easily succumbed to fatigue when before he could remain sleepless for days.

He just had that dream again. It came back to him once more, after such a long time. It wasn't a dream that the mind fabricated to calm him; it was a memory that he had almost forgotten, that had once transpired in his life. It was one of those memories that, once uncovered, started to repeat over and over again.

He shook his head, as if the sudden movement could dislodge the memory from his brain. Out of the corner of his eyes, he glimpsed the still form of the person that was part of that thought.

In sleep, Kaoru's face appeared calm, devoid of the emotions that scarred her face. She looked younger, years younger, and he could almost see the shadow of the child that she once was, the child who was happy, carefree, and innocent, untouched by the pains of the world.

Why can't she be like this when she's awake? 

Kenshin sighed. The passing years had taken its toll on Kaoru, distorting her sense of life and death, her sense of happiness and love, friendship and companionship. Now, she showed that she had enough of life already, and that she was prepared to let go.

But… 

Kenshin reached out and touched Kaoru's hand. It was slightly cold, and he held it tightly between his hands to warm it. _If only I could touch your cold heart too…_

But no, he cannot. The proof was the fact that Kaoru hadn't even opened her eyes for him, after all he had said, after all he had poured out to her. No. He cannot touch her heart, because as she said, he took it away from her, the night he ended her father's life. And because of that, he now felt tears fall down from his eyes.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Kaoru let out a wail of despair.

All her pretense is gone now, the delusion that there was still a way out of this pain. Tears fell from her eyes as she felt that gentle strength surround her, knowing it could only come from the man she both loathed and loved.

"Get away from me, please…"she pleaded weakly, her strength to fight slowly ebbing away. "Let me go…"

"I can't."

"What more do you want from me?" She now tasted the bitter tears as they fell on her lips. "What more can you take from me, when you had already taken everything I have?"

There was silence. She hated it, so she pressed on. "I don't have anything anymore, so, why…why are you still holding me back from the end of it all? I'm tired, Kenshin…tired… I just want it to end, just that simple thing, so why are you stopping me?"

That unbearable silence again. She can't have that. "Answer me, Kenshin!" Kaoru almost screamed. When Kenshin did not respond, she almost felt a vindictive pleasure at his silence, when the cursed weakness overpowered her once more. As the fist she clenched slackened, Kaoru almost felt angry with herself as she leaned against Kenshin's body, immersing herself still further in the warmth of his embrace, because it was so irresistible, given the coldness of her body and soul. She vented this anger at the root of it all, the main reason her world had been shattered in pieces.

"You don't know what it feels like, being alone in this cursed darkness, with no one to lead you through," Kaoru said in an almost imperceptible voice. "You've never lived with the ghosts I have in my dreams, ghosts who endlessly taunt me, haunt me, of what would have or should have been… you don't know," Kaoru spoke the last three words with vehemence that spilled like blood on an open wound.

Then, as if a fire suddenly died for lack of fuel, that fire of hatred that she had for him, Kaoru closed her eyes and slowly sighed. "You don't know anything at all…" Kaoru whispered. "This life, my life, is too painful now, too meaningless… too empty. And I… I can't take it anymore. Death is my only release from this loneliness, don't you understand?

Death. Now she knew it was what she had really sought all these years. It wasn't revenge, for it was only a temporary relief from the pain that would surely return over and over again. No, it was death, the finale, the end to it all, the pain, the darkness, and the nightmare that visited her always in her dreams. There would be nothing at all, no more specters to battle with every single day. Everything ends in death, and of all people who can understand her, Kenshin should be that one.

But he didn't. He just wanted me to keep going, giving me false hopes and false new starts. I thought for a while that with him, I could start anew, away from all the pain and suffering, but…

Kaoru bit her lip hard. _He destroyed me. He took away my love, took away my hate, my comfort, my happiness, my home…everything. Why does he have to take my chance for death as well?_

"No, Kaoru, I do understand." Kenshin's quiet voice emerged out of the darkness. "I have once wanted death, the release from the burden of remorse that I carry with me everywhere I go. But…" Kaoru couldn't keep herself from gasping as she felt his embrace tighten, feel his warm breath so close to her, feel his gentle warmth through the cold. They were so close to each other now that she thought she could feel his irregular heartbeat fall in rhythm with hers, but that didn't startle her more than the hot tears that trickled down her neck.

"Oh, Kaoru," Kenshin whispered. At his touch, Kaoru felt like a small child clinging to a mother as she sought refuge from the turmoil of her emotions in his embrace. "I can't bear to lose you. I need you. My promise to an old friend kept me alive through these years, but this…" she felt his fingers caress her long, damp, dark hair, "these sensations I share with you had made me realize what it is to be fully alive. Your smile, your laughter, your melancholic eyes, all of you, have been enough for me. Without you, I… I don't know what else I could be but the man I was before: the aimless wanderer, a man cold, empty and lifeless."

A sob tore out of Kaoru's throat as she finally allowed Kenshin to carry her away from the raging river, and into the safety of Tae's home.

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	11. Chapter 11

**I'm so sorry for deleting the other chapter 11, but I got stuck thinking about how I was going to continue from that point. Please forgive me…**

_---_

_Even the silence can't erase the pain. Why should wakefulness be any different?_

Kaoru smoothed out the last crease in the folds of her blanket. Placing it neatly atop her neatly folded mat, she sighed. Sleep hadn't provided the solace she sought from it, and there was no other thing left to do but to wake up.

Memories of the past rushed in her thoughts as she filled herself with silence. She had yet to feel grateful to Kenshin for saving her life, because she still couldn't help but feel resentful that he had to save her when she wanted so much to die.

_And that is being ungrateful._

Kaoru sighed once more. Outside, the chill of the dawn slowly turned warmer. She could hear Tae and Tsubame's motions as they started their day.

It was another thing altogether when Tae and Tsubame are involved. For them, she could feel gratitude. They respected her wish to be alone, but at the same time letting her feel that she still was a part of their lives, no matter what she had said or done to them.

"Kaoru?" Tae called out from the door. "Are you awake?"

"Yes," Kaoru replied.

"Will you be needing anything? We're going now."

Yes, she needed a lot of things, but…

"Nothing at all, Tae, thanks very much. Take care of yourselves."

A pause. "You too."

-----

Kenshin had slept the night outside, in the woods that lay near the foot of the mountain. He had been used to this kind of living ever since he was young, and had even thought about living the last of his days as an old hermit, hiding away from the next generation in the solitude of the forest.

That is, if he could stay alive that long.

A nightmare cut his slumber short. He woke up as suddenly as if someone shook him up. A few minutes later, he couldn't go back to sleep. Kenshin then lay down and looked up at the sky. It was so dark still, dark like the depths of his soul. He breathed in the darkness, which were the things that made up his life for so long.

He stayed in the darkness because he felt secure in it. He shied away from other people because he believed this act protected them. He had always denied feeling empty, because he kept repeating to himself that the atonement for his past sins kept his hands full.

_Lies that only made him feel wretched inside._

He knew they were lies. That was why he kept a tight grip on his emotions so that he would never have to confront those untruthful beliefs. And for all the genius he possessed, this can rate as the greatest stupidity he can ever do.

The morning air blew and chilled him to his bones.

Looking back at the past few days, Kenshin felt the inevitability of that confrontation with himself. Those days have shaken loose those checks and balances he had imposed on himself, and it was inconceivable, but he was beginning to feel afraid because of that.

_Afraid of the changes that are happening now. Afraid to start a new life because it was so unpredictable, unfamiliar._

And he felt happy with this life he had, however ed it is to feel happiness despite of the pain.

Kenshin stood up.

_I'd rather live my life this way than impose myself upon another._

_It's time to wander again._

Then the sun rose behind him. Kenshin looked back and was hit by the soft golden glow of the morning light. He never fully realized how beautiful the dawn can be.

----

The familiar scent of the woods reassured Kaoru that she was walking on the right path. The stones that bruised her feet the last time she walked this path were gone now. Or maybe it was because she put on shoes this time.

Every step she took reminded Kaoru of that overpowering emotion that she felt that night. The small wounds and bruises she received from that desperate attempt still tingled with the memory. The night when darkness overcame her every bit of reason and sanity has now been reduced to a lasting memory that was one of many that remained with her.

It all seems laughable now, come to think of it. It was a perfect way to show just how pathetically weak she was, not being able to face her demons with courage. How can she face her father now, when he had been able to conquer the debilitating despair that came with her mother's death? It was pitiful how she had indulged in self-pity for so long. It was also shameful of her to have become so selfish that she had ignored those who truly cared for her.

_That is unforgivable of me._

Kaoru felt the sun suddenly strike directly on her face.

_Heaven thinks so too._

She took some steps back to return to the cool shade under the tree. She stumbled as her feet hit a large root sticking out of the earth, but hands reached out quickly before she could even touch the ground.

It was a familiar touch.

----

**I hate endings. I don't want this to end, but sadly, it has to, so I can move on with other things. **


	12. Chapter 12

"I'm sorry, Kaoru-dono," Kanshin quickly apologized as he released Kaoru from his grip.

Kaoru didn't say a word.

"I'm going then," Kenshin said, and started to walk away from her.

"Where are you going?" Kaoru called out as she stepped forward too.

"Somewhere," Kenshin vaguely said. In his mind, he added, _Anywhere away from here._

"Do you have to go?"

Kenshin stopped walking. "Yes."

"Could you spare a minute?" Kaoru asked.

Kenshin turned around.

"Please?"

----

The air in the Akabeko restaurant seemed subdued. Tae felt it even with herself.

"Tsubame-kun!" a customer sharply called out. Tae saw Tsubame, startled, look hastily at the lady customer.

"Yes!" she quickly said. Tae had the feeling Tsubame was staring into space before this.

"Have you been listening to me?" the customer asked.

Tsubame self-consciously scratched her head. "I'm sorry, ma'am. What was it again?"

The customer sighed.

Tae looked at Tsubame and sighed too. She quickly signaled to one of her helpers in the restaurant and gave him orders. She then approached Tsubame as soon as she left the customer and took her service tray.

"I think we need time out," Tae said to Tsubame. "Our present state of mind is not good for business."

Tsubame nodded listlessly and followed Tae outside. They both spotted Yahiko as he was returning to the restaurant after an errand, and called him to join them.

"What for?" Yahiko asked. "There's loads of work to do and you're skipping off?"

"We couldn't concentrate," Tsubame said.

"And you're in no shape either," Tae said. "Look at those raccoon eyes of yours."

Yahiko looked hastily away. "None of your business. I'm going back to work." He tried to walk past them but Tae's grip on his arm was too strong.

"Oh no, you're not. You're coming with us," Tae said, and together, the three of them left the restaurant.

---

The flowing water cooled their feet. The effect was such a delightful sensation that Kenshin and Kaoru failed to notice as they both sat, side by side, on the bank of the river that witnessed the darkness of Kaoru's pain.

Both of them were silent. Both of them were lost in their thoughts, in their emotions, and both didn't quite know where to begin in addressing the unanswered questions that hung in the air.

"I could almost hear myself in this silence," Kaoru said as she broke the ice. "I could hear myself saying all those words I said to you that night, feel again the cold and the emotions that ran through my veins and remember those thoughts inside my head at that moment.

"I also remember those words you said."

There was no reply.

"You made my life complicated, Kenshin, don't you know that?" Kaoru said. "I've spent ten years of my life hating you, cursing you, wishing you were already in hell for the sin you committed against me. Back in those days, when you were just a speck on the horizon, that was so easy to do."

Kaoru smiled ruefully. "Stupid me, I should have anticipated meeting you face to face," she continued. "But I wonder if that'll make any difference. You took me completely unprepared, unaware of your ability to change my whole perception about you. That changed me, and this change terrifies me."

There was a soft _plunk_. A stone fell in the water. Kaoru sighed. She took her feet out of the water and stood up. Smoothing out her kimono, Kaoru couldn't tell what Kenshin might be thinking, but that doesn't matter. At least she had spoken her mind.

"Thank you, Kenshin, for your time," Kaoru said. She hesitated. "I wish you wouldn't leave, but I don't want to tell you what to do. I wish you could stay longer, because I don't want to lose another part of my heart."

Kaoru quickly turned away and blinked back tears. "I wish you would return, but if I won't, then I promise I won't waste my life like that again."

Kaoru breathed deeply. "It's the only way I can show my gratitude to you for saving my life twice."

Picking up her stick, Kaoru guided herself away from him and out of the woods.

----

It was Tsubame who first spotted Kaoru emerging from the woods.

"Kaoru-san!" Tsubame called out, running forward to meet her.

"Kaoru, what are you doing here?" Tae said, following Tsubame.

"It _is _the hag… I thought it was a stray animal or something--- OW!!!" Yahiko cried out as Kaoru whacked him with the stick.

"It's a fine weather to go out for a walk, don't you think?" Kaoru said cheerily and took Tsubame's arm. "Come on, let's go!"

Kaoru took several steps forward. _Don't look back. What's done is done._

She couldn't just ignore the rest of her life because of the things in the past; life goes on, and there isn't anything anyone can do about it except enjoy every moment in this present time.

For so long, she had ignored that simple truth.

It was time to get going and live again.

Just like the wandering that Kenshin had decided to do now.

---

The woods were silent. As the sunlight waned, the shadows on the forest floor lengthened and overlapped each other.

Before it became completely dark, a lone figure slowly vanished from sight, consumed by the darkness of the woods.

---


	13. Last Chapter

**The last chapter.**

**----------------------------------**

"_Be quiet, Kaoru, and stay there."_

_How had it come to this? _

"_No, Father, don't do this to me! I won't leave you!" Kaoru screamed desperately, struggling against the iron-like grip that her father had on her._

"_Don't YOU do this to ME, Kaoru!" Her father sharply said, and Kaoru fell silent. "Leave this place. No one should harm you." He turned to the servant, Aoi. "Take her as far as—" He stopped abruptly, listening hard for something. Then his tone became urgent. "Take Kaoru as far away from here as possible, Aoi. I don't care where it is, as long as it's as FAR away from here as possible, you understand?"_

_The servant nodded. He tucked his sword tighter and took Kaoru's hand._

"_Come on, Little Miss," he said._

_But Kaoru's eyes were still on her father's face._

"_No! No, please, father…" But she was already being dragged forward._

_Her father gazed at them… impassively, she thought. Then she saw tears glisten in his eyes._

"_Please believe that I'm only doing this to protect you."_

_Then he turned towards the now deserted house._

_In the distance, a shadow._

**--------------------------------**

The air was filled with young voices. Occasionally, a sterner voice would join in, and the voices would grow stronger. These voices filled the mountains, disturbing the animals living in it and their natural tranquility.

All of a sudden, the voices stopped, but another sound remained still. It was faint, barely audible, but definitely there. It was the steady, rhythmic footsteps of a person walking on the road, going towards a uniquely situated dojo hidden deep in the woods.

Chattering people burst forth form the wooden gates of the dojo. All were singing of their teacher's praises. They were all talking about how, despite a physical disability, the teacher became a master of the art.

The steady footsteps never wavered. The rhythm was never broken. The students' footsteps overwhelmed it for a while, but gradually those solitary footsteps were the only ones to be heard.

-------------------------

"_Aoi!" _

_This was too much. _

_Before those strangers got nearer to them, Aoi roughly brushed Kaoru aside. "Kaoru," Aoi said, all proper niceties forgotten in the urgency of the situation, "I want you to run. Hide among these trees, find a cave… anything to keep you hidden. Don't let these strangers see you, understand? They'll kill you if they have the chance. I'll fight them off, and when I'm through, I'll come find you." _

_He looked up, beyond the road, towards the approaching silhouettes. "I'm sorry, Sensei Kamiya," he whispered fervently. "I've tried, but I can't keep my promise any longer. Please forgive me."_

_Then he pushed Kaoru. "Run!" he commanded._

_Blindly, Kaoru did as she was told. She ran, but the clanging of metal stopped her._

_How had it come to this?_

_She turned around. Then she screamed._

_Aoi, who followed her father anywhere he went. Aoi, the faithful one, the one who gave Kaoru sweets when her father wasn't looking._

_Aoi, stabbed by too many swords, defenseless against the onslaught of hate._

_Then she thought of her father._

"_No!!"_

--------------------

The wooden gates were clearly visible now. A lone young woman dressed in a hakama stood before it. A wooden sword was in one of her hands, quite the opposite of the double-edged steel one tucked into the belt of the person to whom the footsteps belonged.

The young woman's eyes stared directly ahead. At close inspection one could see those eyes were sightless. Nevertheless, the young woman perceived the presence of the red-haired man as he stopped at a distance away from her.

Both of them stood still for a while. Then, tentatively, the young woman took a step forward. Recognition slowly crept up her features, but it was marred by the doubt creasing her forehead.

"It is me, Kaoru-dono," the man called out.

The doubt was banished immediately. A smile was on her face as she continued walking towards the man, who started walking towards her as well.

They met in the middle, inches apart, before they stopped. The young woman raised her hand to touch the man's face. Her fingertips lingered at the unusual cross-shaped scar on the man's left cheek, tracing it slowly, gently.

"So it is really you," the young woman whispered. "You came back."

The man smiled and held the hand touching his cheek. "I had to make sure you made good on your promise, didn't I?"

The woman chuckled. "You can see for yourself I did."

"Yes, you did."

The laughter mellowed down to a smile. "I'm glad you came to check."

"So am I, Kaoru-dono." The man sighed, and whispered softly, "So am I."

The autumnal breeze blew all around them as the sun set behind them.

---------------------

_Flames were slowly consuming the Kamiya dojo. _

_The hitokiri stood by and watched it burn. _This is totally unnecessary, _he thought, but those were the orders, and he had to obey. He started to turn his back from the blaze._

_In his peripheral vision, he saw a small figure hurtle towards the flames._

No! _his mind screamed as he tore across the courtyard to try to intercept the little girl. _

No other innocent should die tonight.

_But he was too late. The girl managed to enter the dojo before he could. He tried to enter through the same way the girl entered, but the wall collapsed before he could pass through. _

_The flames were getting bigger._

The little girl's going to die in there!

I can't let that happen.

_The hitokiri forced open a section of a door leading to the dojo. The smoke that greeted him made him cough as he stepped into the area's excruciating heat._

_Quickly scanning the area, he found the girl lying near Kamiya's body. In haste, he caught up the little girl in his arms._

"_You can't die in here," he whispered, and got out of that inferno as fast as he could._

_The little girl raised her head and opened her eyes slowly. He met those innocent eyes. _

_For a second that felt like infinity, they locked gazes. _

_Then the girl's eyes succumbed to unconsciousness and the darkness that was her fate. _

_-------------------------_

**The end.**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you, to those who bothered to read this story of mine… you all meant so much to me… and my dragging confidence… Scarred Sword Heart, Patience Halliwell, gabyhyatt, sexion, Ginny-cry, lilaznbunny, and JennyKim319…**

**Till next… I think… if I have time… :-p**


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